Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
