it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
