Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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