i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
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If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
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I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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