He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
