Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
