I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
