We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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