he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
