You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
