There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
zippers are such a cool invention
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Randomize
