I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
