ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
