I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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