...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
