my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
