Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
