just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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