on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
