I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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