Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
