After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
