i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
