I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
