I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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