Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
