Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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