Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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