sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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