Christians are straight up FREAKS
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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