Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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