Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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