Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
