The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
