Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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