were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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