C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
