i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
