i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
