You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
