Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
