i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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