Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think my moral compass just broke
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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