"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
