Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
