you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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