come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
