at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
