So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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