I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
