But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
