hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
