Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
