You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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