please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I smell like Dick and happiness
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
