can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
