How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
