im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
