i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
