I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i dont even know how to be here
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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