you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
