Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
