Im at strip club and am horny
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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