Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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