Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
