We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
you never un-have a 4some
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
