Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
